Wednesday, July 9, 2008

A Fear Realized

Since we have brought the babies home (almost ten months ago), our lives have been riddled with fears of different sorts. One of my reoccuring fears has been that I will be changing a diaper of a baby, say on our bed or on the couch, and leave to go tend to something else--like grab a cord out of a baby's mouth or pick up a screaming baby, thus allowing abandoned baby to roll off the changing area and get hurt.

Well, Sunday at the Gulf, we were getting things ready to come home. Elliott had a dirty diaper, so I laid him down on the bed to change it. Once I got started, I heard H's parents in the family room talking about how Lucia had spit up, and they didn't have a rag. I had some rags right there with me. "Oh, they need a rag," I thought, "Let me go give them one." Elliott never once entered my mind. I went out to the family room and left him on the bed.

What is most upsetting to me is that I never thought about the baby on the bed. My mind got completely distracted. When I would ruminate over this fear, I always knew that this is how it would happen--that I would completely forget about said baby. And, that is indeed how it played out.

Once in the family room, I threw Papa Glenn the rag. At that point I don't remember what happened first: I remembered I had left Elliott, Holly called my name with a certain amount of panic, and Elliott hit the floor crying. Luckily the bed is low and he landed in a way that did not hurt him too bad. I cried longer than he did.

I know that mishaps are going to happen. It is just harder to deal with them when they are your fault and could have been avoided.

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